Saturday, February 26, 2011


My girlfriend  and I have been e-mailing some trash talk...

She said:
Call, and I'll tell you about how I thought I would sneak into the grocery store today for just one thing (and of course since it was just one thing I thought that also meant I would be invisible to the naked eye) and ran into half the town in a shirt covered in mustard and olive oil and my work in the yard pants that are not only filthy but 2 sizes too big. Please bring on the Barcalounger. I'm ready.
 I said:

Two questions:
1. Did you run into an old boy friend?
2. Did you have on bedroom slippers?
If not you are NOT Queen for a Day and do not get the cheap washer or dryer.
 She said:

To answer question #1, although I do have an old boyfriend living in town(!), I did not run into him. However, I did run into a younger male friend of ours who is sooo good looking that  I blush the ENTIRE time I talk to him. Very smooth I know. He was probably worse case scenario boyfriend or not. I say I get this one. Question #2, I did not have on bedroom slippers (although I have worn them before to to the grocery), but you have to remember the filthy food covered shirt and the absolutely gigantic and also filthy pants...much more noticeable than whatever I had on my feet. I will start clearing out space for the washer and dryer.
 I shot right back:

Maaaybe a scratch and dent from Sears but that is about all you can hope for and yes, these slippers would have kicked you through the goal post for a front loader combo.

They are in my closet right now. My CBS core group gave them to me one Christmas. Very comfortable and tempting to wear........................

 #3. Mercy is not my spiritual gift so I don't feel sorry for anyone who owns a pair of pants two sizes too large.
#4. There is a call-in deal today on a pleather recliner  on that radio channel where the say the letters of the station like it is one big new alphabet letter. Call.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Are We Men Or Are We Mice?

Uhhhhh, We're mice.
Mighty Mouse was a childhood super hero cartoon.  His theme song was; "Here I come to save the day......"  He had a motley band of scrappy little mice followers and every once in awhile M.M would get in a jam and rally the troops to fight off the enemy. 
He'd pose the question; "Are we men or are we mice?!"  And they would whimper "we're mice."  And scatter.
This morning my alarm went off at the crack of dawn and Joe and I shuffled to the airport to fly to Philadelphia for a weekend celebrating our newest granddaughter's Christening.  Exciting!
When we got to the airport we saw that our plane was delayed for several hours due to "weather issues" in the Northeast. 
Plane schedules were dropping like flies and a woman on a phone next to me was speaking to her mother about BWI being closed down for most of the afternoon due to strong winds. 
I do not embrace the roller coaster high life.  Joe and I were passengers on the flight from Hades that was struck by lightning and almost went down.
Even my time as a flight attendant didn't prepare me for calm under those conditions.
So as delay after delay was announced I slithered up to the gate agent and whispered "Can I reschedule for tomorrow?"
I could.  So here I sit back home while Papa Joe (who gratefully said he totally understood) is making his way up North on a wing (Southwest's) and a prayer (mine).
Got cheese?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Happy Birthday Loie

Probably cracking up at her own joke.
My mother turned 86 today and I am so grateful for her in my life.
She taught me how to live a full and happy life and now she is showing me how to let go and finish well. 
She knows who she is and Whose she is. 
She used to say "My funeral is going to be like the shift change at the General Electric assembly park."
She has had a big life and made a big impact on many lives.
Happy Birthday Loie!

"You Don't Have Because You Don't Ask"

That is from a verse in the book of James and he was saying -- pray specifically.
So I asked God to give me a funny girlfriend in the South.  And could she have my same quirky sense of humor?   I waited.
Guess what. She showed up this year and if she had walked around with one of those big bows like people put on new cars she wouldn't have been more obvious as an answer to prayer.
She looks one way on the outside.  Very chic and polished.  But on the inside she has all of the irreverence and appetite for irony that a Queen of Fun could ask for.
In life I've observed there is the family born into and the family you adopt (or are adopted by).  She is my Sister in my faith and our funny bones are a DNA match.
She came to lunch today and we regaled each other with stories of near disasters and travel fiascoes.  You might not have found them as hilarious but at my kitchen table there was laughter synergy.
Shakespeare said "There is a crooked lid for every crooked pot."
And she can top me -- any day.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

All A-Flutter

Well there is some high drama on the duck pond.
Several of the ducks are laying eggs in the ornamental grass and let me just tell you it is the most exciting news.
All day long "The usual suspects" waddle in and out of the grass at warp speed.
"Have you seen them in there?"
"Oh, yes and aren't they cute?"
"Do you think they are fertilized?"
"I don't know. Hope so."
"Let's go back in and make sure they are still there!"
Over and over and over.
We know the goose eggs of Mother Goose are not fertile because her husband was killed by a speeding car last year. She is destined to spend the rest of her days in a widow’s support group. It  is not in her nature to cross breed.
But we have noticed a few ducks floating around with what looks like a satisfied grin (see Sam and Elvis in the "Give me a house by the Side of the Road" post. See that dreamy look in their eyes as they float around in tandem?)
Maybe Sammy is short for Samantha?
Only time will tell.
Keep checking with CNN news.
It certainly is a hot topic around these parts.

Monday, February 14, 2011

I Miss Erma

Erma Bombeck that is.  Some people come and go and you hardly remember they were here.
But some, like Erma, leave a hole that is left empty.
Everyday about three o'clock I wonder what I can throw together for dinner.  Nothing sounds good and there is usually a deficit of ingredients to make a simple but delicious meal.
That is when I remember Erma's advice for such a time as this.

"Toss an onion in the oven and turn it on 350 degrees.  The aromas will keep your family assured that something is on the way.   At 5:30 after your nap you can panic."

Some of my other favorites:

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Goose Bumps

A match of man and goose

Maria the Goose watches out for her friend, a retired investor who worries what will become of her when the lake is drained for renovations.
Maria, a graylag goose, chases Dominic Ehrler as part of their regular routine at Echo Park. (Mel Melcon/Los Angeles Times / February 13, 2011)
The honking you hear along Park Avenue in Echo Park isn't coming from motorists.
It's just Maria the Goose, out for a spin with her friend Dominic Ehrler.
Ehrler is a retired investor who was befriended by the web-footed waterfowl 10 months ago at Echo Park Lake.
"When she first started following me around like a dog I got goose bumps," Ehrler said. "David Foster, one of the parks people here, finally introduced me to her. He said, 'You know you're being stalked! Her name is Maria.' "
These days, Maria greets Ehrler each morning about 8 when he rides his bright red motor scooter down the hill from his Figueroa Terrace condo.
Then she leads him around the lake as Ehrler pulls out a bag of tortillas retrieved from a store trash bin and feeds the park's other geese.
"I especially look for sick birds or ones that are hurt," said Ehrler, 65.
Maria gets her own two tortillas as she waddles at Ehrler's side along the park's paved pathways. At the end of their jaunt, she stands guard at his feet, pecking and biting strangers who step too close to her friend.
After about an hour, it's time for Ehrler to go. Maria is there to give him a sendoff.
Ehrler fires up his scooter, and Maria steps in behind it. When he pulls out of the parking lot Maria races down the sidewalk, launches herself from a curb and takes off after him, flapping her wings and honking her way for two blocks down Park Avenue, inches from his helmet.
"Oncoming motorists are always surprised. You can see their eyes get real big when they see Maria behind me. She's a big bird," he said.
The scooter ritual started after Ehrler picked up Maria one day and placed her on a picnic table. She flapped down, flying in his presence for the first time. "She looked around and it got her adrenalin going. Something clicked and she started chasing me on the scooter after that," he said.
Maria has other human friends too. When the rock band OK Go filmed a music video called "End Love" last year at Echo Park Lake, she befriended Tim Nordwind, one of the musicians. In the finished video, viewed 4.2 million times on YouTube, Maria has a cameo role.
But Ehler said he's concerned for the goose's future. Echo Park Lake will soon be fenced and drained for a $64.7-million makeover. The two-year project, financed by Proposition O bond funds, will involve dredging the lake and installing a special clay liner to prevent future seepage.
"They're supposed to collect the birds and truck them to another lake. I plan to follow her there, because when you have a friend like this you don't want to lose her," he said.
As Ehrler ends another visit with Maria, the graylag goose dutifully follows him to his scooter and watches him put on his helmet and mount up. Then it's off down Park Avenue.
Ehrler stops and parks his scooter at Echo Park Avenue and walks Maria back into the park. He leads her to a fenced maintenance area and closes the gate, temporarily waylaying her. "Otherwise she'd follow me home down Sunset Boulevard," he said.
The sight of Maria flapping and honking alongside Ehrler's red scooter left motorist Ricky Scott nearly speechless.
"I was just amazed — I couldn't believe my eyes," said Scott, an Inglewood contractor. "I didn't know geese were that human-friendly."

Copyright © 2011, Los Angeles Times

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Say What?

I got an encouraging word from a young woman I admire very much.

Words, words, words. Our society is full of words: on billboards, on television screens, in newspapers and books. Words whispered, shouted, and sung. Words that move, dance, and change in size and color. Words that say, "Taste me, smell me, eat me, drink me, sleep with me," but most of all, "buy me." With so many words around us, we quickly say: "Well, they're just words." Thus, words have lost much of their power.
Still, the word has the power to create. When God speaks, God creates. When God says, "Let there be light" (Genesis 1:3), light is. God speaks light. For God, speaking and creating are the same. It is this creative power of the word we need to reclaim. What we say is very important. When we say, "I love you," and say it from the heart, we can give another person new life, new hope, new courage. When we say, "I hate you," we can destroy another person. Let's watch our words.
Henry Nouwen

Friday, February 11, 2011

Give Me A House By the Side of the Road....

I met a new friend yesterday at the pond.  He is a photographer of feathered friends.  He was persuaded to take Yearbook pics of some of our ducks.
This is Sammy.  He is such a gentleman that we feed him separately because he won't barge his way into the feed bowl.
Here is Elvis taking a sea cruise with Sam.  Elvis loves his pompadour and we hear peanut butter and banana sandwiches. 
This little fellow just stopped off on his way to Miami.  He couldn't believe it when I told him he had crossed the Florida border.  "Too cold.  I'm going to grab a bite and keep on flying South!"   

Sunday, February 6, 2011