How Not to Act Old

I just read the most interesting article in "More Magazine". "How Not to Act Old" Now a lot of things are making sense -- like nobody picking up my calls. Here is my translation of the best points:
#1 Take off your Rolex.
It looks too bourgeois and anyway they just use their cell phone for the time. Nothing screams I'm old like a watch.
#2 They don't want our antiques and they don't want our antique memories either. "Remember during the Watergate.... Oh, you weren't born?"
#3 Don't leave a phone message. When they see you called they will call you back (or not) if they are so inclined. (And I have control issues?)
#4 Don't yell into your cell like it is a tin can w/a string attached. Come to think of it I sat next to this guy in a restaurant last week. UGH
#5 Type with your thumbs. As in texting or dialing. "Good luck Chuck" on this one I can barely use the tape dispenser.
#6 Don't be the Ricky -- as in Lucy and Ricky. Don't be the overly responsible driven bore. Be Lucy sometimes. Dance in a fountain -- jump in a puddle -- eat the banana split for Pete sakes!
Well, there you have it. My version of an informative article..
Now excuse me for a minute: Close the door when you come in would ya? You think I want to pay to air condition the whole city?!